I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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