dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
