I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
