Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
