So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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