His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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