Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
