Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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