Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
