How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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