Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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