Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
