The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just forgot I was standing up.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
