perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
