She went from zero to smokin in five shots
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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