He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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