Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
