Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
