i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
