just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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