shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm like, not good at living.
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