If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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