u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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