Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You know, be my cock's hype man.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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