I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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