My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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