The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
