Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My ass is underappreciated
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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