Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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