He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
