saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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