I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
