I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
