Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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