it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he puts the penis in happiness.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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