your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
