I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
