but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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