You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
