just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
