I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
