Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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