let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
