Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
