everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
