non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
