are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
