He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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