and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
