i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize