my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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