I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
