Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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